I am quite an ordinary and unremarkable fellow, but please take the time to read my story below. I will share it all with you as best as I can describe it. Forgive me, but later on, words must fail me to adequately describe what happened.
As I have an investigative background, I interrogate my own recollection to see that it is as accurate as possible. These spiritual matters are often not treated with the due seriousness that they should be by the West. However, I am careful to be as scientific as I can. I am sane and open minded. If you wish to ask any questions about my experience and subsequent life changes, I am happy to answer any questions.
Not always successfully, I have attempted to live a life, in practice, of meaning, wisdom, truth, compassion, and love and also have some fun along the way (not always wholesome), often with hilariously disastrous results. (Sigh). I am still trying to improve.
In late January 2007 about the 20th, in the night, I was listening to streaming internet radio on my headphones while typing on the computer. A variety of random songs played from the massive on-line data base, many I had never heard before.
By about nine p.m. I noticed that I was hearing songs in a way I never had, I seemed to be entering more deeply than usual into the mind of the writer and understanding what was being emotionally conveyed. So I kept listening. I felt the sorrows and joys of others as they spoke to me in song. I felt the tragic beauty in the passions, lost hopes, tragedy and brevity of life as experienced by other people. There was a collision of sadness and beauty, a kind of majestic sorrow and empathy. Shivers repeatedly rose in waves up my spine from its base.
I could get up and go to the bathroom or go get a drink of water from the kitchen without losing the effect when I returned to the headphones connected to the computer.
Over a number of hours the shivers of pleasure continued to rise in waves up my spine and began to intensify and surge down my legs and up my arms. The base of my head at the rear where the spine joins the skull was gripped by waves of exquisite sensation with each new song. It felt like a hand was gripping the upper back of my neck where it meets the skull.
I became concerned as the physical effects intensified and extended in duration. I felt my pulse to see if I had an elevated heart rate associated with panic attacks. My pulse was normal and steady and my body felt very, very relaxed. I had the sensation of settling or falling back, deeper within my body, as the experience continued. I was intensely present, sharply aware and my cognition totally functioning and nimble.
The spinal waves of sensation became a volcanic rush of sensation that entered my head. I was thinking “Oh, Oh, Oh! Awesome! Go with it!” Rivers of energy flowed outwards along my limbs. By now it was after midnight. My body felt almost weightless. I felt immense power flowing through my body. At one point I looked at my hands and they felt so full of the sensation of energy and so insubstantial that I felt they might pass through the wall if I tried. I touched the wall out of curiosity and my hand was certainly still solid as it touched the wall!
It went on and on, hour after hour as powerful waves of surging energy, ever intensifying. I was totally immersed in intense ecstasy. Suddenly a huge rush of energy propelled my total centre of awareness into the centre of my head where it sat in darkness as a tiny point. It was warm, secure and wonderful there, in the centre of my brain. Then, with another volcanic eruption my centre of total awareness, as that tiny point, burst forth from the top of my head, a tiny point in a massive torrent of energy that felt like a clear thick liquid and my awareness emerged into a vast yet intimate space where I felt connected to all things in the cosmos. I wondered if I had died. I experienced no fear. I was merely a point of consciousness with no body at all. I was overcome with immense gratitude for the privilege of having been alive, and for my life with its joys as well as its sorrows and the total improbability of just being. I thanked God.
Next, there was an instantaneous life review. Many of the things I had thought important in my life were not at all significant. I did not feel judged in any way, I felt completely accepted. It was like a lesson review. Then I felt enormous feelings of joy, love, compassion and empathy for humankind and all living things. I felt intimate kinship with all living things. I became The Divine Mother with a heart for all my suffering beings and wanted to encompass them in my arms of love and mercy and tell them everything was all right and always had been. Everything was perfect and always had been perfect and would always be perfect. I did not see anything with my sight that I can remember but I had total perception. How can one describe such a thing? I am not sure how long I experienced this state, as I lost all sense of time in this Place. I did not feel I was experiencing or meeting anything resembling my previous concepts or ideas about God. After this, I felt I was God or was of one substance with Him-Her-It. I became the dancing One with four arms. I was dancing in the divine current. I was one with the Lord of the Cosmic Dance. I was identical with the playful tumult and buzz of Eternal Intelligent Energy. As I danced, I was immeasurably powerful as I spanned the universe and beyond. My exultation and freedom knew no bounds. I shouted and laughed in immeasurable joy.
By two thirty am I came down from the great space entering via the crown of my head. I was still in a highly energised state. I found myself with eyes open still sitting at the computer with my hands on the desk, staring at the screen. I thought, “Nothing can compare with such an experience, no accomplishment, nor any experience on earth can match it. One may have all the resources, all the money, all the women and all the intelligence on earth but nothing can match this. Everyone should have this experience!”
I was feeling physically tired and sleepy. As I walked to the bedroom it felt like I was walking lightly, on pillows. I felt weightless. I had the sensation of being in two places at once. One in my body and one up above my body somewhere, looking down. I went to bed and drifted off. I was a buzzing mass of energy. Though sleepy, I felt carefree, new, fresh, blissful, happy, full of laughter, totally present and focussed. I slept the profoundest, sweetest and dreamless of sleeps.
The next day I awoke still buzzing all over with energy. I still felt new, peaceful, untroubled and joyful. I thought to myself, “That was, and still is, a most therapeutic experience! I wonder if such experiences can be triggered in everyone else? I had no idea my brain could do that!” I remembered the readings of my youth about the rising of the Kundalini and thought, “Perhaps this is Kundalini. The experience appears to be authentic, although perhaps it is not divine, only psychological. If only someone had been there to take blood samples and wire my head to an EEG!”
There had been absolutely no drugs or alcohol involved and I was in peak mental, emotional and physical condition at the time. I was the happiest I had ever been in my life up to that point.
However, I was not sure if the experience was anything more than a transient psychological phenomenon.
The calm and joyful mood lasted for months and months. Often, when I listened to music or spoke with people, I had waves of pleasure up my spine and into my head and though my limbs. Sometimes I felt as though there was something resting lightly on my head or something invisible emanating from the crown of my head, or like waving tentacles of some sea flower and also from my forehead. It felt most pleasant.
Just to be really sure of my sanity, and that I was not suffering from psychosis, delusion, mania or a brain tumour, I visited a senior psychiatrist in Melbourne who is also an expert in transcendental states of consciousness. He carefully listened to my account and assured me of my sanity and also encouraged me to meditate twice daily to deepen my experience and continue to allow the spontaneous changes occurring in my lifestyle. He explained what happens inside my brain during the various mind states that I still experience. He said I should allow the process to continue. It was not exactly what I had expected to hear from a senior consultant physician in Victoria.
Since my experience I am better able to cope with life in the face of things that would normally cause me great anxiety or precipitate anger. At times I have felt in love, with everyone. At other times, during what I call “blissful states,” sunlight seems to penetrate my head and cause a further explosion of bliss. Immediately after these states, I have walked around in wonder and awe at the material and energetic miracle of this world and its great and detailed beauty. Colours appear clear and bright, particularly different shades of blue, which appear to glow. I feel every movement of air across my skin and I feel radiated heat from walls and other objects from a distance. I feel intensely in the moment and bathed in pleasure. I then enter a mind-state of sharp focus and deep tranquillity as I move through the crystal clear moment where time seems to stand still. I function very well in both states and it enhances my work life. This “bliss” is not emotion, it is a psycho-physical sensation that calms all emotion and stills all passion. The after-effect lasts for days.