WHY YOU SHOULD NOT TRY TO BE THE PERFECT LOVER

Lovesickness is actually at the core of consumer culture. With every purchase, modern-day shoppers have an opportunity to broadcast our personalities, wealth and good taste to potential lovers, says Dall’Aglio. “We only accumulate objects in order to communicate with other minds,” he says. “We do it to make them love us.” In his eyes, what appears to be an unseemly attachment to material things is in fact a longing for a deeper connection: “I want to seem perfect so that another can love me.” Then, our potential partners are held to the same exacting standard: “I want them to be perfect so that I can be reassured of my value.” In fact, he points out, we would sooner shred our belongings to win the affection of others. “Nothing could be less materialistic, or more sentimental, than a teenager buying brand-new jeans and tearing them at the knees because he wants to please Jennifer,”

The real art of seduction begins with self-mockery. Dall’Aglio believes there’s a way out of this frantic race for affection, and it begins with a humbling admission: Actually, we are all impostors — and that’s okay. “Yes, I’m useless,” he insists. “But rest assured, so are you!” That admission alone can release us from the desperate competition to prove ourselves worthy of love, opening the way to a less frantic form of seduction that embraces vulnerability. And how might this play out in a relationship? Via a “poetry of deliberate awkwardness,” self-mockery, a form of humor that provides “one of the best means for the relationship to endure.” Why? Because humor enables a couple to acknowledge one another’s faults while simultaneously making light of them. “I think that becoming aware of this general imposture that concerns all of us would ease our love relationships,” he says. It may deflate our egos, but it could spare us from a lifetime of angst and heartache.

More: http://ideas.ted.com/why-you-should-not-try-to-be-the-perfect-lover/

“We only accumulate objects in order to communicate with other minds”. Tas ir ļoti interesants izteikums, kurš piedāvā ieraudzīt aiz vienkāršākā primātu  instinkta (ēst, lai izdzīvotu) paslēptu nākošo – vairoties, lai izdzīvotu. Protams, ka tas ir viens no labākajiem mūsu dabas un rīcības skaidrojumiem. 

Bez tam vēl autors piedāvā veselīgu izdzīvošanas stratēģiju, kuras pamatā ir doma, ka mēs, protams, esam nepilnīgi, un mums jāiemācās to pieņemt pie sevis un citiem. Citiem vārdiem, mēs drīkstam būt perfekcionisti tad, kad cenšamies būt, kādiem mums būtu jābūt, bet mēs nedrīkstam būt perfekcionisti tad, kad vērtējam, par cik tas mums un citiem ir izdevies. Tad mums jāatrod sevī vīrišķība pieņemt sevi un citus tādus, kādi mēs esam. Nepilnīgi.  I.V.

About basicrulesoflife

Year 1935. Interests: Contemporary society problems, quality of life, happiness, understanding and changing ourselves - everything based on scientific evidence. Artificial Intelligence Foundation Latvia, http://www.artificialintelligence.lv Editor.
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